Monday, May 11, 2009

forget-me-not

This post is for everyone who's Mother's Day is bittersweet: for those who have lost a mother, a child, or some other nurturing spirit. Six years ago, on a dark and cold January morning, I lost my baby during our second trimester. We buried her in the loosened soil of a future flower bed that I had readied during the previous fall. We decided it would be our memory garden. Months passed. Healing had begun. Spring marched in with all of its blossoming and grandeur. And then May brought a little miracle. I was talking to a good friend on the phone and we both remember this moment so well... it was Mother's Day. I had not been able to look out the window at our memory garden easily... so it had been a few weeks. Of course, this would be the day I would need and want to. A little gasp escaped my lips... there was a perfect mound of clustered little blue flowers growing in a very special spot. Forget-Me-Nots. What beautiful twinkling stars. These magical little flowers have a tendency to self seed and show up in unexpected places... but this was truly a gift from Mother Earth, herself. At least, that is what we believe. Every Mother's Day, when the Forget-Me-Nots are in bloom, I am reminded of this lesson of the cycles of life... the circle of nature... the potential for growth...
Love to you all,
Maya Pin It

40 comments:

  1. I just miscarried yesterday. Thanks for this post. It touched me deeply.

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  2. peace maya. that is such a beautiful post full of real life, loss, and beauty. hugs. what a wonderful garden.

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  3. I have been doing quite a bit of writing and reflecting on my recent miscarriage over at my blog. The support that I have received is incredible. It always amazes me how relationships are formed through the act of blogging. I am sure this post will touch many people.

    Thank you for sharing. I understand what you mean by a bittersweet Mothers Day. It describes my emotions perfectly.

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  4. Your story touched my heart. You are so lucky to be entwined so intimately with mother earth.

    Peace.

    xo emily

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  5. I really appreciate your comments on this post. We do not speak about miscarriage and death with ease in our culture. I'm so grateful for your ability to be vulnerable here. A special thank you to Christine and Anonymous for sharing your story. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you.

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  6. this was beautiful. Yesterday I fully realized that a dear friend is going to depart the earth in a matter of weeks rather than months or years. She has 16 year old twins. I am devastated for them and because she's been like a mother to me, as well.
    Thank you for sharing this beautiful and bittersweet memory.

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  7. Maya, I am so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful story of hope you share!

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  8. You brought tears to my eyes dear one, remembering that time... so glad that miracles, time and love have helped soothe this wound.

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  9. You post touched my heart. Thanks for sharing your story...

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  10. What a beautiful story though my heart aches for you. This was not Mother Nature's gift to you but a gift from your child.
    Signed: SuZeQ

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  11. From another mother who has lost this story really touched me. Thank you for reminding me of those little moments when I am not forgotten.

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  12. Thank you for sharing Maya. So very touching.

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  13. Oooh my friend, this was not a story easy to share, but you are surrounded by understanding, caring, loving women from all over the world, and as always, *your* words touch more people than you could ever imagine.
    Even if I haven't had that difficult & painful experience, please be sure that I feel your pain & bittersweetness, and that I send you, in return, the more love & caring thoughts that I can. You are loved. oxoxoxox

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  14. This is a beautiful story and thank you for sharing it. Thanks, too, for remembering those for whom Mother's Day is not all flowers and birdies. You seem like a sensitive soul and a person of great purpose. I enjoy your words and pictures so much.

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  15. Ah yes mother's day.... a morning full of wet kisses, sparly cards, and giggling.... and a mother's moment of quiet reflection for the voice that is not. So many of us celebrate this dichotomy each year, each day really... so glad that you have the tangible flowers to caress and watch bloom.... Peace Mama Maya

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  16. My mum would say "the universe" was looking out for you.

    I say xxx.

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  17. This is so touching and sweet. I think that motherhood itself is a bittersweet experience.

    I just want to share a link to a description of the way that this flower can be used for healing as a flower essence. I think it is very fitting in relation to your experience with the flower. I love the thought that this was a gift from Mother Earth, it certainly seems that way!

    http://www.anandaapothecary.com/fes-north-american-flower-essences/forget-me-not-flower-essence.html

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  18. Having lost a little boy at the age of 2 months and 19 days you know I understand. I had a very tear filled , heart wrenching talk with my eldest about this yesterday since she was so very affected by his short life and death having been present at his birth. We will never forget him.

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  19. Mary said it so poetically in her comment: "the voice that is not." You are a dear, brave soul to share your story. Thank you. It is a gift to us all, and a reminder to acknowledge what we have lost in the midst of remembering our many blessings.

    xoxoxoxoxox every day, but especially today.

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  20. This is a very nice story :)

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  21. What a touching story! You gave me a great idea for a friend's memory garden for her son. Forget-me-nots will be perfect!

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  22. Maya, You shared a piece of yourself and that is just beautiful. My baby is named Maya after my brother who died and on his first birthday after his death we planted a tree to remember him. The life cycle a lesson in it's own. The forget me nots are gorgeous.

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  23. I needed to hear something like that now.
    Thanks.

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  24. I am so moved by this. I grieve for your loss.

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  25. This is such a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing this part of you with us. You are such a wonderful Mom... Happy Mother's Day Maya!

    Peace... xo

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  26. Thank you so very much for acknowledging that Mother's Day can be such a mixture of joy and sadness..loss for a mother before 18, and loss for my grand daughter Amanda at birth. The incredible loss for my son and daughter-in-law.
    Still and all, they both fill my life..my mother with joy and the gifts she gave me, and the grand daughter who was stillborn, but still born. We celebrate her every spring with flowering baskets; she is in our hearts and prayers and thoughts.
    I am so sorry for your loss of such a wee one. I know that she lives in your heart and in the love and heart of your family.

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  27. beautiful post and a very thoughtful reminder that the day may not be joyous for all.
    nicola
    http://whichname.blogspot.com

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  28. So beautiful! Thank you for sharing this lovely memory.

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  29. I'm so sorry for you. But what a beautiful post and those flowers are truly a gift from nature! wow.

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  30. Thank you for this post. Over a year ago, my husband and I found out we could not conceive children...so Mother's day is rather bittersweet for me as well. It's not the same as losing a mother or child, but it's still a loss of sorts.

    Yet, I am waiting for God to work a miracle and prove the doctors wrong.

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  31. Oh, thanks so much for sharing! What a fabulous thing to find in your special garden. I had a miscarriage at 11.5 weeks in between our two living daughters, and our twin daughters (my first pregnancy) died from complications of prematurity, so I always feel such a kinship with other mamas who have been changed by loss. Thanks for reaching out to connect to all of us with your story. I'm so glad you received such a wonderful gift.

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  32. God bless you, Maya. Thank you for sharing your story of sadness that ends with great hope and a miracle. Lovely.

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  33. Thank you so much for sharing your story and feelings.

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  34. Maya, thank you for sharing this personal story with us. It brought tears to my eyes, and I think the Forget-Me-Nots are an incredible sign from heaven.

    ::HUG:: Thank you for always sharing your creativity, strength, and love with us Maya.

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  35. Maya, I felt I needed more peace than what I have had in the past few crazy days to comment here. Tears rolled down my cheeks in pain and beauty while reading this. Mother's day can be very bittersweet for so many. I have had my tear filled ones too. I believe Mother Earth puts so many amazing signs right before our eyes and clearly she did that day for you. It is never up to us to understand the "Whys" when it comes to pain and loss, it is up to us to continue to grow in a positive manner and believe there is a reason as difficult as that may be. I hope all who need to read this post find it, and if not I will contine a prayer for them every time I see Forget-Me-Nots.
    Love to you too, Maya.
    xo
    Karen

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  36. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    My friend who recently lost her 5 year old son to cancer had something similar happen. On one of the walks with her son, they had stopped to admire some California poppies in a garden and talked about planting some in their garden one day. Not long ago she found some blooming in her front yard, even though none of the neighbours have any and none have bloomed in the years they have lived in that house. Science might have explanations for these coincidences, but Mother Nature seems to have a knack for making it happen in the right time and place so that it brings the most comfort.

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  37. Thank you for sharing this sad, but beautiful story of yours. I too lost a baby mid-way through the 2nd tri between my girls (who are now now 9 and 4.5). It was devastating and though I have found other ways to honor his memory, I'm still waiting for the time when we can start our own memory garden for him. Forget-me-nots are high on our list of flowers to plant too.

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  38. HI Maya,
    I only read this post now. I have had 2 first trimester miscarriages, and am now on my 3rd pregnancy, and so far all is going well. But i really feel for you, i had a similar experience, when i had my first miscarriage a friend gave me a red camelia for my gardn, It immediately lost all its flowers when i planted it, but now, almost a year later it is about to bloom. i hope this is a good sign for my pregnancy! All the best to you!
    Cecile

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